Text last modified: 2007-05-10
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Stercus bubulus omnia vincit
—My Daddy
My friends, I want to talk to you today about your future, the need for change in this country which is about change and not more of the same tired policies which have made us the great nation we are today. Improved policy initiatives are absolutely imperative for the all hardworking Americans, with all their opportunities and responsibilities for the peace process and the war on terrorism in this great country. Our goal is to bring people together to talk to one another about consensus and community, which is the inherent sense of fairness of the American people. This is not business as usual.
My friends, let me be perfectly clear: The American Way is who I am to the bottom of my DNA. But the failed policies of my untried opponent will lead to unemployment, pork-barrel government spending, and children without trained teachers. I know I have the support of the law enforcement community when I say that it is time to protect the American consumer by treating a lifetime of public service with tough love on both sides of the aisle from taxpayer dollars outside the beltway. The American people deserve a Constitutional amendment requiring immediate relief, and the American Worker must stand up to tax cuts and bust the budget to send a message. We must knock the socks off the holy grail of globalization which is hurting the middle class right here in [insert state or city].
My friends, the choice is clear, and we are the candidate for change.
My friends, the world community has rejected the appeals of our out-of-control critical alliances. Instead our domestic issues are the tax-and-spend war on terrorism about which my opponent has failed to articulate a vision. The statistics are in, and they say that every American has the right to go to college, to get a good job, to own their own home, to carry a gun, and to have children and computers. This is my over-all strategic vision, which my opponent lacks, blinded as he is by our interests. But make no mistake about it, our support for Israel stands together with this most important alliance. And that represents a tremendous saving for the American People, which is morally unacceptable to the small business men and women of America, who are not better off than four years ago and who are priced out of the American Dream, where the devil is in the details. I have talked to foreign leaders and told them about this.
We have a plan.
My friends, it is time to get serious about loopholes in the character of our society, because every abortion is a tragic life-style choice at both the local and the federal level. For eight years in a row we have turned the corner and have seen people working together in employment opportunities with zero tolerance for the post-9/11 transition, and it's working. Private vouchers are the only alternative instead of campaign finance reform, which is in our own backyard for our men and women in arms. The American family sitting around the kitchen table shows we need a history-making leader who will stand on principle to get our government working again for the hard-working American people.
At the end of the day, the reality is that the liberal media will not tolerate working with our partners to take our country in a new direction that would open the flood gates to a slippery slope which runs both ways into a blank check. The decision was not taken lightly, which is patently false. It is very important to approach this in a bipartisan manner on Main Street and not Wall Street, where there is a relentless productive dialogue about real issues, which is like herding cats, because our economy is on a precipice, which I see as half-full, not half-empty.
My friends, I propose to clean up a free society with hard-earned tax dollars which are going through tough times right now; my opponent supports the largest over-riding strategies in history to turn these trends around. This past term we managed to pass a budget bill that was an over-all strategic vision of domestic issues and an effort to mobilize law-abiding taxpayer money. This is morally repugnant because violating the law must not be rewarded by activist judges. Working together with our allies and soccer moms, we can overcome that obstacle. That is unacceptable.
The choice is clear, and we are the candidate for change.
My friends, federal bureaucracy must be empowered, one nation, under God, with equal opportunity to remove the barriers to stagger the imagination with tax credits within the context of a balanced budget in the entitlement zones. We are standing on the threshold of a whole new brink. Our good times lie ahead! And they will only come with a specific plan for infrastructure development and dependency on foreign oil, which my opponent lacks.
My friends, our farmers and ranchers and assault rifles must be protected against disingenuous big government. Let me be perfectly clear about this: it is about our children's and grandchildren's toxic waste sites. The only thing we have to fear is fear of taxes! Present policy, which is in disarray, should move forward on the track of ways of working out a deal for a stronger foreign policy position to energize the base. I really have to disagree with the tough restraints that the out-of-touch establishment and its critics have placed on diplomacy as a weapon in the geopolitical situation because I think the glass is half full.
We have a plan, and we are the candidate for change.
My friends, America's over-regulated middle class of anti-capitalistic polluters is not a jobs bill. I stand for common sense, not incense, which is a zero-sum game. We know that 16% of 78% times 37% is endorsed by every police association in this country. This is why America must take the lead in reinventing sixteen million pages of regulations and eliminating hundreds of thousands of valuable jobs, which have been shipped overseas over a bridge to the future. I will make the tough decisions to gamble with our children's future as low-income Americans.
The choice is clear, and we are the candidate for change.
My friends, I have long supported a middle-class tax cut to protect intellectual property and keep pace with the building blocks of government waste. That was a hard decision which goes straight to the heart of the issue of human rights. But the downside of a worst-case scenario is that it offers a great variety of ways to level the playing field and consolidate the safety net with the cash cow, not the death tax, which is only between a man and a woman. And we can do this if we simply eliminate bureaucratic waste in every classroom all across America. Our prosperity and that of the world community depend on it.
I am married to the most wonderful person in the world. I love you honey! (Throw a kiss.)
I know that some of the polls in the press have not been favorable recently, but I remind you that this isn't about polls or statistics; it is about human beings, and that means one man and one woman, which clearly shows that I am the candidate for change on my youth-oriented blog site, which is on Main Street and not Wall Street in a new direction.
My friends, my opponent is out of touch with voters and favors morally repugnant impoverishment of the American People with tough choices. That was of course a controversial decision, but decency required it, and I did the right thing speaking straight from the heart. In the end you have a choice, my friends, between controversial decisions that consolidate majority views. I say it's time to get this country moving again! We have to change the culture. We must dare to imagine a future which is yet to come! At the end of the day.
My friends, we have a plan to grow our economy and create jobs and opportunities for all hardworking Americans all across the red states and blue states of this great land. The choice is clear, and we are the candidate for change, and I ask you for your vote. Also God bless you. God bless the party! God bless America!
My friends.
D.K. Politperson
(Source: The basic text of this page was originally derived from candidates' vacuous speeches in the 1996 presidential campaign, but it has been enlarged and revised by exposure to countless additional vacuous political speeches since then.)