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Stercus bubulus omnia vincit
—My Daddy

Jargon & Gibberish:
Corporate Moneymumble

Facing intense market competition, your Management is fully incented to use a solutions-based approach to identify value-added cashflow enhancements as we build momentum by selectively outsourcing shareholder value in the interest of maximizing incentive compensation in today's global marketplace in our core business. As in every year in our company's history, once again this year we have eliminated waste and increased market-leading growth potential by streamlining our world-class quality and innovation, using a wide value mix to make major strides in integrating operating strategies to realize all of the margin benefits available given the present proactive benchmark in project investment.

Because it will be difficult for the economic environment to improve significantly owing to uncertain elements affecting the economic environment, we have adopted a conservative hurdle rate for capital returns to achieve superior financial performance. This has allowed us to restructure to serve demand on a market-area basis with product-line extensions and advanced application redefinition, expanding on the value-chain position, in line with higher-margin profitability, where technology is the means, not the end, to moving our continuous-profit philosophy into high gear at the tipping point towards end-users to increase our company's volume performance.

We need to have a rapid-response infra-structure to leverage those events in real time.

It is important that divisional management accelerate product innovation, which we can do as a world leader through strategic alliances and acquisitions, producing global growth and best practice synergies. Management is endeavorily determined to promote constant attention on current procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis on innovative ways to better, if not supersede, the expectations of quality.

Following from this critical policy, our incremental growth opportunities are, of course, closely linked to highly targeted advertising to grow our reach in under-penetrated channels and alternate selling channels where we have new opportunities to communicate product benefits and value-added avenues. In this way we can capitalize on joint ventures and acquisitions with real-time access to the leading curve of market information driving retail liquidity events.

Based on these synergies, we have made important progress over the past year to extract efficiencies by consolidating bricks-and-mortar stores and developing channel strategies to strengthen the competitive price gap, as we move ahead with our long-term process-oriented global strategy to leverage the growth of our delivery of on-trend products of ever higher shareholder profitability. By increasing the safety buffer of consumer advertising as a protection against negative news, we will reap the full earnings potential of our marketing muscle in new avenues for market segmentation. We expect to do this by maximizing sourcing opportunities based on production in the most cost-effective locations, adjusting corporate policy whenever necessary. This is a key driver in producing high returns and wage concessions.

How will we do this? By executing against the strategies and priorities we already have in place and by continuing to deliver indispensable experiences for our communities of customers.

This year, thanks to floating-to-fixed rate-swap agreements, our gains and losses on financial instruments have been deferred and recognized in income in the same period as our hedged transactions, so that diluted net earnings per common share are represented to be even higher than in any year past despite the realignment costs of the two-year strategic program designed to reduce operating inefficiencies and accelerate growth toward take-off for the rest of the decade.

I am pleased to say that this has been accomplished using revenue enhancements in our pricing environment and reduced capacity to promote our equity holder base, thereby improving our liquidity situation in the long tail. This provides for exceptional management on the paperless reality-check side of the house.

Creating shareholder wealth is not an event, but a continuum, and we are at the inflection point from which, with a more favorable cost climate, and with correspondingly timely re-alignment strategies and process engineering, sustainable quality growth 24/7 in the most cost-effective locations should produce substantial rewards, successfully managing our leadership strategies and engaging the stockholder community to produce plenty of upside for Management.

Don't forget that Your Management recommends a vote in favor of the new Executive Compensation Plan.

D.K. Corporateperson
CEO, Chairman, Executive Director, & Auditor

(Source: The basic text of this page was originally derived from annual reports of two Fortune-500 corporations whose stock I sold after failing to detect any evidence of executive cerebral activity.)

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